Angry

I know the 5 of you that read this are sick of reading the downtrodden posts. I'm sick of writing them. I'm sick of living them. I want to write about how well things are going and post pictures of the changes that I'm seeing. I want to talk about inches lost and shedding pounds. However, the reality is that I'm not seeing any changes. I.Am.Angry. I'm angry that a year after having James I am only a few pounds lighter than my weight after having him. That is with eating fairly healthy, running, and breastfeeding. I'm angry that I can run 15 to 20 miles a week, eat healthy, and see no physical changes. I was soooo excited about the Fast Metabolism Diet. It was like it was describing me to a tea. I had found my cure. It was finally going to happen. So I gave it a 75% effort. I lost a couple of pounds.....gained a few inches. Decided not to blame the diet and try it again. I've done it for almost 2 weeks now and gained 1.5 lbs. I still don't blame the diet. I blame my inability to stick to it when life happens. However, I would still say that I've been eating pretty healthy. I've still been running like a fiend.

Honestly, I wish I could just be happy with being fat. But I can't.

When Joseph was about 4 months old, I joined a weight loss challenge at a local gym. I had already lost 18 lbs on my own, but I wanted to kick it into high gear. I lost another 15 lbs or so during the 8 weeks. I stuck with going to classes at that gym a couple of months after that and lost another 8 lbs without really watching what I was eating. I could never seem to lose any more than that, but right now, I would even take that weight.

I know what you're thinking....why aren't you going back there? Well, honestly, I thought I could do it on my own....still don't understand what isn't working but whatevs. I also didn't think I could do half marathon training and have time for the boot camp classes. And honestly, I was embarrassed for my trainer to see me fatter than when I started the last time. But today I decided to make the leap. It is going to be a big commitment, but I have decided to join the 8 week weight loss challenge group starting Saturday at Julie's Fitness and Training Center. I still plan to follow the basic rules of the fast metabolism diet. I do believe in that plan, but I won't be able to work out hard and follow the plan exactly. Of course I will have to talk about that with my trainer as they give nutritional advice as part of the challenge.

So hopefully next time I post I will have some good news...some upbeat postings. I need it. My family needs it. A grouchy angry mama makes for a grumpy household. Wish me luck. Keep me in your prayers.

Quick Weekend Update

Ok, so I'm 3 days in on this round of the Fast Metabolism Diet. My first day was pretty much perfect. I was sooooooooo hungry though. I ran a 15 K on Saturday and cheated by having a banana pre and post race. Bananas aren't allowed on FMD because they are high in sugar. It's my tradition though. I always have a banana before and after. We went out to eat after the race and I had grilled chicken and rice....with a dap or 2 of cheese sauce. I might or might not have had a margarita....a little one.....

I've been pretty good today. Just had a few bites of some froyo when I took the boys out for a treat.

I haven't been able to weigh because the scale is in James' room and he hasn't been up before I've had breakfast the past couple of days.

Overall, I feel good. I don't have any special recipes to share from the past couple of days...I've been eating a lot of open faced sandwiches and raw veggies and fruit.

Here's hoping for some good weight loss....I saw pictures from my run this weekend and man, I look like a running cow. I love cows....I just don't want to look like one.